I'm frustrated.
I'm sick and tired of having this fucking disease. I'm tired of the fear that it instills in people. I'm tired of not being able to fluid-bond with my partner because he doesn't want to catch it (he knows there's still a risk). I'm afraid of secretly wishing he would contract it so that we could get that over with already. I'm fucking tired of feeling like my body is disgusting and worthless like I was told when I was a child. I'm sick of there being no cure. I'm still mad as hell at the person who gave this to me without so much as a warning. I'm pissed off at the world for not understanding. I'm pissed off at myself for not being understanding enough.
Is anyone else as frustrated as I am?
I'm sick and tired of having this fucking disease. I'm tired of the fear that it instills in people. I'm tired of not being able to fluid-bond with my partner because he doesn't want to catch it (he knows there's still a risk). I'm afraid of secretly wishing he would contract it so that we could get that over with already. I'm fucking tired of feeling like my body is disgusting and worthless like I was told when I was a child. I'm sick of there being no cure. I'm still mad as hell at the person who gave this to me without so much as a warning. I'm pissed off at the world for not understanding. I'm pissed off at myself for not being understanding enough.
Is anyone else as frustrated as I am?
posted by:
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SF Bay Area
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Re: This is a rant.
Mon, March 20, 2006 - 8:48 AMYes, I feel a lot like you do. My issues are different, but the emotions are the same. I would love to post something upbeat here, but I'm not wanting to blow smoke up your proverbial skirt. It sucks and I'm pissed off , too.. . Still, it is nice to have a place to come to rant at least . (smoke free ubeat ending after all) -
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Re: This is a rant.
Mon, March 20, 2006 - 10:28 AMPost positive all you like. Don't let my current level of frustration and depression stop you.
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Re: This is a rant.
Thu, June 8, 2006 - 10:40 AMI'm tired of the off hand jokes by friends who would never make a racist or sexist comment, but somehow haven't ever stopped to think about the fact that they are being just as assuming and thick headed by thinking they're not offending anyone.
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Re: This is a rant.
Sat, January 6, 2007 - 12:03 AMyeah, i agree.
I used to be one of the jerks who lauged at herpes jokes. I stopped laughing 3 years ago. I do take a sick delight in knowing that 1 in 6 of them will stop laughing soon, like I did. Do I want them to catch it? hell no. But the ignorance around the virus and how it works is just appauling, and I havent heard a "good" joke about it yet.
I find myself saying "aww, you made it 2 decades without an STD, revel in the good old times". Sometimes it seems like it aint worth persuing sex , especially when i feel something coming on after almost every time. I had a lover with herpes a while back, and were alway trying to time it between outbreaks! What a fucking hassle!
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Re: This is a rant.
Mon, January 29, 2007 - 6:34 PMThe jokes are the worst!!!!!!!!!! It just furthers the stigma. Don't hear people making AIDS jokes, but that's only cause that could kill you. They tell these jokes like no one has it, when so many do. What really pisses me off is how many people don't know they have it, there-by making it worse for those of us who know.
I did hear one funny comment though, but it wasn't really about herpes.
It went something like "I love using glitter in crafts. But if you use it, be prepared to have it hanging around forever. Glitter is like the herpes of the craft world" I laughed cause I'm an HSV+ crafty gal......
And I liked thinking about herpes like glitter: annoying, sparkly, and it turns up in the oddest places.
:)
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Re: This is a rant.
Sat, July 14, 2007 - 2:03 PMLol that's a cute image. Herpes as glitter. It's nicer than thinking of it like acne.
The frustration and anger is only natural, and it will pop up now and again, especially after rejection when having disclosed to someone. In my training class for this new job, the herpes joke came out a couple of times. I was surprised to see that only a small group laughed or thought it was funny out of the 20 people in the class. Then I thought, hmmm, those who didn't probably didn't care for the joke or actually have it themselves. Then I started thinking "laugh all you want but you might have it right now and not even know it." -
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Re: This is a rant.
Fri, July 20, 2007 - 11:47 PMMaybe instead of saying "I'm having an outbreak" we could say "I'm feeling a bit glittery". Just a a nice, inside, joke. :)
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